i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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