Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
