Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
