you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
