You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
