This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
