fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
