apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
