Got a toothbrush?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize