wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
