who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
