Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
