We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
