watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize