ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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