please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
