He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
