this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
