if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
