South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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