also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
