4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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