I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
