No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
FUCK WHALES
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