If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
