this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize