I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
