.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
