I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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