I want to make a zoo with you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
