GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
