how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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