The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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