how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
