Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
