A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
