Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
