What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
