He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
