I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
