I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
