I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize