YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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