We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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