I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He passed out mid-signature
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
