took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
