I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
