oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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