i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
