Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dignity is for republicans.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
