none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
