i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
