I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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