Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
