Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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