is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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