i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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