Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
