a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
