my mouth tastes like poor choices
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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