I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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