i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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