she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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