But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize