That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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