He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
