Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
