Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
