He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
