good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
