I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
