Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
