Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
