I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
two words...techno handjob
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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