At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
